Humdrum Musings

As I sit here at McD's trying to kill yet more time in my day I find myself thinking and over thinking the last 72 hours. 

One consistent thought keeps popping into my mind: I wish Mike had been on board with me about postponing the movers and possession date for the house until next Thursday or Friday. To me that one extra week would have made a world of difference in what we are going through now. 

Not to say we are homeless, because we aren't that at all. We have a roof over our heads. Just not many other amenities that a family needs to function properly. Beds to fit everyone, plates, cutlery, cooking paraphernalia, etc. We bought some paper plates and forks to last us a few days, and thankfully we can wash clothes. We found some camping chairs in the shed and Mike brought them in. 

There's just nothing to do at all for the kids and so we are trying to fill the days up. A trip to the dollar store may be in my near future to find some quick activities. Chalk, paper, and crayons!!

I think for me the hardest thing is this feeling of a dark cloud over me all the time, wrecking what is supposed to be a fun new chapter in our lives. It is something that no one can really help me with; this feeling of wanting to be apart from everyone around me and pulling the covers over my head in my deflating cold air mattress. 

I realize a lot of this is due to having no actual possession date in my hands: the move in day truly is out of my hands. I am a planner, and compulsively need to know dates and times of events in our lives. And when life throws me a curveball I guess I need to learn how to catch it with more grace than what I do. 

At least with me depression doesn't stick too long. I have been battling it since I was a teenager on medication ( hello Paxil ) and I recognize the signs. Mostly it doesn't show unless you really know me. Most don't see the hiding in the bathroom to cry or snap and yell at the kids for no reason side of me. 

However, because I hate medication, I believe in natural healing ailments, like sunshine, laughter, a good night with good friends, and a hug and cuddle from Mike. A hot cup of my favorite tea and a good book, or a card specially made from Jacey. These things I try before the need to hibernate chases me to my room for a half hour of "me" time. 

Today should be a decent day for some sunshine and running around in the park, supper at moms, and a game at our friends. Tomorrow... Well we will deal with that when it comes.